I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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