In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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