yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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