I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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