At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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