thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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