So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
