I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
