Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
