I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
