you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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