i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
