Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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