Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
