I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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