if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
