so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
