my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
