i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
