Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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