I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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