apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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