Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bring me that man meat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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