I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
