I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
