she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
