Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
