I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
