How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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