I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
