she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
