Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
