I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
