just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
