Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
