WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
