i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
