Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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