I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
