Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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