How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
