Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
