can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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