shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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