Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
