My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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