just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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