We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
