Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
