So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
