I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
