After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
