...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
