you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
