I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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