The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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