Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
