"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
