Just fell off a train. Bad.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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