Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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