Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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