i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wear drunk well.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
