M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
is it fun? or sober?
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