Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize