So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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