id be glad to
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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