i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
