is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
