Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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