Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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