he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
love makes seman taste better
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
