i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize