We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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