i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
