its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
