She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
